The other day I realized that I repeated (yet again) a past pattern that has caused me enormous pain and confusion.
As I sat there feeling that all too familiar punch in the gut pain, I thought: “Geez, I must not have much self-respect to keep doing this to myself…”.
My head then began to take me on a rollercoaster ride of judgement – where I began to feel worse *thinking* thoughts such as: “Other stronger, more worldly women - would never continually subject themselves to this type of pain. You must be weak – and they simply have more self-respect for themselves.”
So, then as I habitually do, I went outside myself to get a better understanding of what the outside world could tell me about self-judgement.
According to Dictionary.com, self-respect is defined as: “proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character.”
The dignity of one’s character huh? Oh boy, now I feel worse – and sure enough, the negative thoughts began popping like popcorn “I must have zero self-respect to keep enduring this painful pattern – and keep doing this to myself. ”
But then, as I stayed with the thought about my lack of self-respect, I witnessed the thought without judgement and I realized three critically important things:
1) This pain was old – from very long ago. I kept re-enacting it in present day so someone, anyone – could acknowledge that I experienced this type of searing pain and witness it happened.
2) I’m that someone I’ve been looking for – I’m the someone I need to acknowledge this pain and hold me in it – without judgement. I kept *thinking* that the answer, the healing, the comfort – was outside of me – when in Truth – it’s all within.
3) True Self Respect is about loving ALL of you – all of your thinking, all of your judgements, all of your actions, all of your “mistakes” and “bad” decisions – and being with it ALL, without judgement.
We are taught that we need to be better, do better, make better decisions – be a good person. This sets each of us up for failure because trying to be 1/2 of you doesn’t make a whole.
Imagine embracing yourself – all of your negative thoughts, all the judgements you hold against yourself and others – and just embracing it all without judgement – just being there with it all?
To give yourself this GIFT of presence is truly transformational – trust me I know from first-hand experience.
What I also know deep down is: my SELF respects me no matter what because my True SELF doesn’t judge or make me wrong for anything. My SELF embraces all of me – the Light and the Dark – which is very freeing.
In a nutshell, my SELF and your SELF – respects you and holds you in high regard no matter what you do. SELF Respect.
Feeling this kind of self-respect and love come from within, you better believe feelings of worthiness begin to emerge. This is because you realize you don’t need to earn your worth, you ARE worth – all you need to do is claim your worth.
Consider this – do you *think* you need judgement to live right? If you do, consider this, what if you’re wrong?
What if the key to self-respect and self-love was the absence of judgement? Could you be that Free? Could you feel that worthy?
As always, it's your choice.