“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain. ~Tara Brach
I remember years back, when I had about a year of coaching under my belt, I hired a photographer to take some pictures of me for the new website I was creating.
This photographer was referred to me by a friend, and I had known that she recently got married and was going through some major transitions in her life.
For the photo shoot, she and I decided to meet in the woods near my home where we thought we could get some nice shots outside.
During the shoot, we chatted about a variety of things and our conversation eventually landed on the topic of her recent marriage. We discussed the changes she was undergoing in her life and she explained that not only did she just marry the love of her life, but she had lost over 100 lbs!
Needless to say she was claiming her worth in a variety of ways in her life.
One comment stuck-out to me when she said: "It took me a long time to get to this place in my life but I finally know, deep in bones, that I deserve it." That one comment struck me deep in my own gut because I knew exactly what she meant.
She had experienced enough pain in her life, and was now finally ready to give herself permission to be happy and to experience joy. She knew in her bones that she had enough of that old story and was now ready to embrace what her soul knew that she deeply deserved.
And here is the thing that you need to know about your own worthiness and ability to receive and experience what you truly desire: any experiences that you’ve had in your life painful or pleasurable aren’t a reflection of your worth. They are experiences - not “good”, not “bad” - just something that you agreed to experience for the sake of remembering who you really are.
In order to experience, and remember who you really are, you must experience contrast - the opposite of what you’re meant to evolve into - otherwise, how would you have clarity on what you truly desire to experience and receive?
This is where many get stuck.
Feeling an internal conflict where you attach your self-worth to things that have happened to you and the circumstances that you’ve found yourself in.
As if something “bad” that has happened was your fault or reflected on your own worth vs. those experiences being what your soul agreed to have in order for you to eventually - down the road in your life - experience the opposite.
Then, when you go to make changes and experience that opposite, an internal battle begins.
The battle is - your soul beginning to blossom and open-up desiring and gaining clarity on the life you’re meant to live. Then your head telling you that you aren’t worthy of that life because of the circumstances you’ve experienced - or - the circumstances that you find yourself in right now as "proof" of your unworthiness or inability to bring about what you truly desire.
This is where real "worth work" begins. The work is to transcend your old stories and old identity and making a commitment to realize and Remember The Real You - which is essentially another version. Those old stories and identities aren't "bad", they are just previous versions of you that you've outgrown.
This is why we’re here to experience contrast to come into this life and forget who we really are, and then to spend the rest of our lives remembering who we really are.
If you’re facing an internal conflict of sorts where you know there is more potential within you to realize, but your head fights you and tells you that this is all there is and to not bother consider these points:
Use Your Negative Emotions As An Indicator: Frustration, annoyance, anger and resentment are actually great emotions to be feeling that help you move-up your sense of worthiness internally. When you know there is more for you experience and you feel these emotions, embrace them and ask what it is that you deeply desire for your life and why you're annoyed and frustrated. There is great wisdom in knowing, through annoyance, that you deserve MORE.
Tap Into The Feelings & Essence: Once you gain clarity on what you yearn to change/transform, tap-into the feelings that you yearn to experience from what you truly desire. If it’s more money, and abundance, what is the feeling that the money will give you? What will the material things that money will buy make you feel not only in everyday life but about you and your own worthiness?
Utilize Contrast To Receive Clarity: Once you gain clarity on the area (or areas) that you yearn to change, write down what your experience has been thus far in that area. Most likely it’s been an area of struggle, frustration and great pain. Write it all out and get into as much detail as you can. Then, tap-into the deep emotions that are attached to the experiences you’ve had here. After you write-out your reality of that area, and what those experiences have felt like, now tap-into what the contrast, the opposite of that is and what it would feel like. Your goal is to go for the contrast and to gain clarity based on the opposite!
Remember my photographer friend? She had experienced the pain and then decided she had been there and done that and wanted to experience something different. She was able to make the shift because she knew deep in her bones what she was worthy of.
We don't feel worthy by our circumstances changing. We feel worthy when we decide to BE worthy and accept ALL emotions, feelings, and circumstances.
As Carl Jung said, “Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one's being, but by integration of the contraries.”
Claim all of your experiences.
Claim all of your feelings.
Claim all of your circumstances.
Then, realize each piece of the puzzle that is your life has contributed to the greater whole and will continue to contribute to the story you are continuing to create.