How To Stop Over-Giving

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most need to learn and incorporate into everyday life.  Society teaches that you must do good, give to others, and be a good person.  

Yet, you can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and love, etc.) - when you’re running on an empty tank. 

You know how good it feels to share your gifts and talents with others and how they benefit. Yet, when you over-give, you can experience burnout from overgiving and overextending yourself.  This is when it is vital to look underneath the surface to see where you may be overgiving, overcompensating, overworking, etc. - and what your true motive is.  

Oftentimes when you are overextending yourself and feel the effects, it is because of what you learned about self-care early on.  You may have learned: 

  • Others are more important than you. 
  • You need to work hard to gain others approval through showing you're a good person. 
  • You need to work hard in order to survive in life and if you don't overwork, you'll be unsafe.  

There is a whole slew of reasons on why your self-care may end up last on the list - or not even on the list at all! 

What matters most is becoming aware of why you may not feel like enough and that you need to make-up for some lack you feel.  There is a perceived gap in your worthiness that you may be trying to fill with overgiving.  

To key to filling this gap is to fill your own cup first and realize that you are worthy of receiving - and receiving your own time and attention first.  You don't need anyone else's permission either.  You can put you first now without excuses or apologies.  Your life and well being depends on it.  

I love this statement by  Iyanla Vanzant:  “I am worthy of my own time and attention”.  Yes you/we are! 

Here are 3 tips to help you get started on your self-care straight away – watch how you feel better instantly

Self Care Tip #1:  Make An Energy Drain List – carve-out some YOU time and jot down all the things that are draining your energy in all areas of your life - around the house, your car, at work, in your relationships, with yourself, etc. Then, take your list and commit to 10 things you can tackle within the next 30-days and make a commitment to get them done and checked off your list.  You will feel amazing by the energy you have by taking care of these things while also feeling proud and accomplished.  

Self Care Tip #2:  Say No More – learning to say NO to things you really don’t want to do is a skill that must be learned if you’re to believe you’re worthy of your own time and attention. Often we feel like we *have to* or *should* do something but that’s obligation, not a pure want or desire.  It’s not easy to say NO to others – especially if they’ve been relying on you for pretty much everything.  But if you’re committed to living your best life and being your best, true self -it’s a requirement.  Explain to others that you’re making your self-care a top priority and that you’ll more likely be saying NO to things more.  If they understand great, if they don’t that’s okay too.  Just have the courage to do it – you won’t regret it, I promise. 

Self-Care Tip #3:  Switch-Up Your Energy – when your energy gets stagnant your mood reflects it. You can feel life-less, low, depressed, hopeless and as if life is beating you up.  In order to get out of a funk, make a list of what things you can do that will move energy and switch-up your mood.  Some ideas are:  take a walk, drink water, get a massage, dance to music, pat your pet, do some yoga moves, etc.  All of these acts are moving life-energy through your body and will no doubt switch-up your mood in 10-minutes or less

These are some quick tips that if you incorporate them, you’ll be feeling better instantly. Just remember, as Iyanla reminds us – you are worthy of your own time and attention.  Only you can give yourself the self-care you deserve – will you say YES to yourself starting today? 


 

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