How To Not Be Hard On Yourself

Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash

 “If you want a new outcome, you will have to break the habit of being yourself, and reinvent a new self.” ~Joe Dispenza

Last week during a grueling, yet energizing workout,  I huffed and puffed and heard my quiet, nurturing voice inside me say:  “You’re doing great, keep going.” And, at that moment, I remember thinking:  “God, if you’re so nice to me, how am I ever going to ever get anything done?” 

That quiet voice inside has always been there yet I never allowed myself to hear it as often as I do now. 

In the past, when I was a self-proclaimed ‘workhorse’, the voice that got me to do things, get things done, and achieve - was the voice in my head that consistently reminded me that I wasn’t good enough and that I needed to do better, be better, and change myself in order to be accepted. 

If you can relate it's because that is what society and our upbringing taught us - prove and earn your worth and you’ll be accepted.  Yea right, and you’ll also be exhausted trying to make everyone else happy except yourself.   

We all know it’s futile to try to continue to push the boulder up hill - to be a complete workhorse and whip yourself in order to get motivated each day.  But it happens because what’s the alternative?  Be nice to yourself, love yourself through it, and nurture your soul? 

The resistance to being gentle and nice to yourself is often stemmed in a belief system that sounds something like:  "If I'm nice to myself how will you ever get anything done or accomplished?  How could I possibly stay motivated?  Don't I need to be in lack in order to get more? " 

Interesting questions to consider.  If this resonates, you may want to look deeper at some old programming that told you that your motivation comes from trying to prove your worth rather than simply accepting and claiming your worth. 

As you consider goals you set for yourself, consider what your real motivation is and what is driving you.  Is it authentic or part of old programming?  Here are some additional questions to help you with the process: 

  • In achieving your goals, are you whipping yourself like a workhorse to get things done.? 
  • What it would feel like to be gentle with yourself? 
    • Would it feel like failure? 
    • Like you’re giving up?   

Then, ask yourself: 

  • What really motivates me? 
  • Why am I driven?  
  • Why do I work so hard? 
  • What is my real motivation for doing what I ‘do’? 
  • Am I trying to prove something, and if so, what, and to whom?

You may be surprised to realize that your motivation comes from believing you have to change or be better in order to experience success.  Yet what if it were the exact opposite where accepting yourself and letting all your inner gifts emerge were the true formula?   

Your head will try to convince you that you’re motivated by external things, yet your soul knows that you’re here to make a difference, do meaningful work, share your gifts, and be happy.

I promise you – if you are craving a much simpler existence, where you feel fabulous in your own skin, where you do work that feels meaningful and fun, and also experience wild success, where you feel worthy of receiving it ALL, a whipping won’t do.  

Your soul needs expression – and is longing for it – that’s the voice inside you that urges you to take a break, take a day off, just BE.  That is your ‘secret to success’ ingredient right there – your job is to choose if you’re listen or not.  

Contemplate the questions in today’s article, and then ask yourself if being gentle on yourself, especially when it comes to achieving and accomplishing, feels counter-intuitive, and almost like failure.  

How would it feel to know and live in the Truth? 

As always, it's your choice.



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