Conflicting Priorities

“Dance first, think later.” ~Samuel Beckett

When you have an important decision to make – do you tend to write out lists of the pros and cons – and consider which direction a yes could take you and which direction a no could take you? 

Ahh, the beauty of being an over thinker J

Ambivalence, on the surface is defined as:  the state of having simultaneous, sometimes conflicting behaviors towards something – like feeling happy and sad at the same time. 

The same is true for more unconscious things – like the classic – saying you want to get more fit and work-out more – and then finding yourself sitting on the couch watching tv. 

Ambivalence is normal to feel – especially when you’re making a big decision.

It’s also normal when you desire for something for change but for whatever reason - your behavior doesn’t align with what you say you want.

Consider this –whenever you have a situation where you say you want one thing, but find yourself doing another – there is a part of you that is MORE committed to believing something else – and then collecting evidence to prove this belief true!

This is an unconscious part of you who is MORE committed to believing something and aligning your actions with it – than what you say you consciously want.

Take for example, you have the desire to change careers in a direction that would put you more in a leader position. 

You know in your heart and soul this is the direction in which you desire to go.  You write down your goals, you set your action plan in place – and then, you find yourself doing the exact opposite – you find yourself sabotaging your best intentions. 

In this case, consider that you have an underlying, unconscious commitment that is trumping any conscious action you desire to take.  In other words, you have a belief that is trumping everything you say you want.

This belief is something from long ago – and most likely, again, in this example, it has something to do with maybe out succeeding or outshining others – or some imposter syndrome thoughts – who you do you think you are – the belief is:  I’m just a follower, I’m not a leader.

To help take the concept of uncover where an unconscious belief may be stopping you from moving forward on what you truly want to happen, consider these points:

  1. Write Out What You Really Want:  Write out what you truly desire in a particular area of your life – where you know in your heart you wish to expand and grow in new ways in this area.  Give this goal lots of detail – and answer the WHY you desire to expand in this area. 

  2. Access your Actions & Behaviors:  Then, simply witness you’re the actions you take as you go through your days and weeks.  Are your actions aligning with what you say you want – or are you moving in an entirely different direction and can’t seem to control it – as if an unconscious part of you is driving and not your conscious self?  If you find yourself having inner conflict – first be gentle and nice to yourself  - realize any important, transformative change is one step forward and one step back.  Then, simply notice when you’re making a choice that is leading you in the opposite direction of where you say you desire to go  - stop and notice, no judging.

  3.  Uncover the First Belief:  Then, as you notice and witness yourself behaving in an opposite way of where you truly wish to go – stop and ask yourself – if I’m more committed to believing something about myself in this moment, what is it?  I know where I desire to go, therefore, what belief would be driving this opposite action? 

Uncovering first beliefs and underlying first choices are the key to realizing where you’re experiencing ambivalence – and why.  Remember, being gentle with yourself is paramount through this process. 


 

 

 

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